As you may (or may not) have noticed, I haven’t had much time for updates lately. For the past two weeks I’ve been working day and night on a viral site for Panasonic that launches Tuesday, taking breaks to watch my beloved Buffalo Sabres eventually get eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs at the hands of the Ottawa Senators.

Needless to say, I’ve had better weeks.

I can’t begin to describe the disappointment and frustration I’m once again feeling as a Buffalo fan. There is too much to say and I have no time to say it (so I’ll let my friends over at Common Sense Dancing say it for me). The reality of having to wait until next year still hasn’t set in. My mind is currently lost in the thousands of lines of arrays, loops and functions I’ve been staring at for 14 hours a day. I have nightmares in which I’m debugging and refactoring the code I spent the day writing— waking up in a cold sweat when I find a bug and effectively depriving myself of the sleep I need to do the same work consciously. For those of you who program software for a living, I’m sure you have similar stories of deadline delirium. For those who don’t, you probably think I’m crazy.

Either way, Tuesday can’t come soon enough. I’ll talk to you then.

This past weekend I went on my annual Canoe Trip down the Delaware River, a topic I have written about in the past and will likely recall tales of again in the future.

For the first time since my very first trip 4 years ago, the weather was great. So great, in fact, that I decided to enjoy the sun’s rays sunscreen-free for 6 straight hours while floating down the river. This seemed like a good idea at the time, but, as it turned out, was not. At all.

The next morning I was walking around the campsite like a robot, unable to bend my arms or legs. Sitting and standing became the most painful movements imaginable. I was obviously very miserable, but my misfortune provided everyone else with a good laugh. Canoe Trip is the wrong place to look for sympathy.

Over the course of this afternoon I have emptied two entire bottles of Cocoa Butter lotion into my burning red skin. Relief has never stung so badly. I’m also looking forward to waking up in piles of skin flakes for the next week. Kids, don’t forget your sunscreen.

Now that home phone lines have been replaced by cell phones and finding an address is only a Google search away, what better way to dispose of those antiquated bricks of paper than to impress your friends, or possibly a first date, with this little trick? And to think, for all those years I thought this act of sheer manliness was reserved for only the most macho of men. Don’t be surprised if you see me shredding dozens of these in front of Curves tonight.

Note: While the video screenshot may look like something off the $3.99 rack at your local adult video store, I swear this is safe for work.

There’s nothing like waking up to blue skies and bright sunshine— especially when you don’t have to go to work. It’s about time we got some decent weather on the weekend. During the workweek, days like today usually tease me as stare helplessly out the window from my desk. Once Friday afternoon arrives, the bright skies are replaced with rain or sleet to put a damper on my weekend plans. I had to take this opportunity to enjoy the weather, explore the neighborhood and take a few pictures.


A view of Court St. from the front of my building.


A view from my building’s courtyard onto 9th St.


The giant black, spotted eyesore— otherwise known as Smith & 9th Street station.

And to think, this next picture was taken only a week earlier…

20 Family Circus comics re-captioned to mock the NFL
Absolutely hilarious. I really hope the phrase ‘making it rain’ starts to take off. Oh Pacman Jones, you’re the poster child for trouble finding trouble.

Stay up-to-date on the NHL’s latest fights
This site not only provides video and commentary on each fight, but it also allows users to vote on the winner. Even cheap shots from scumbags like Chris Simon are documented here. An excellent resource for any hockey fan.

Carlos Mencia is at it again
This time he’s stealing jokes from Bill Cosby of all people. Where is Joe Rogan to blow his spot on this one?

Future Weapons on the Discovery Channel
The only thing I enjoy more than host Richard “Mack” Machowicz’s callus disposition towards combat casualty are his constant reminders to viewers that the weapons featured on the show are used to more effectively fight the evil terrorists. If I get to watch a double reinforced cement building get blown into a million pieces by an “anti-structure” missile, then I’ll deal with the shameless pro-war propaganda. Check this show out Monday’s at 9pm on the Discovery Channel.

30 great website designs
A little inspiration for the creatively drained.

Only in Alabama could this be considered news.

I was reading an article about homeless people today. Apparently they are becoming a problem— around 750,000 strong. I’ve only been living in New York for 7 months now, but I’ve already seen more than enough of this problem first hand. If I’m not being hit up for change I’m being offended by their smell. They’re everywhere— and come in all varieties.

The Stinky Bum
This is the kind that you know is around way before you see them. The worst feeling in the world is when you realize you’ve stepped onto a subway car with a stinky bum. I made this tragic mistake a few days ago, walking onto what I thought was a less overcrowded car. I was greeted by the familiar smell— usually a mixture of wet dog, body odor and possibly urine. I turned to look for him only to realize the situation was far worse than anticipated. With his bare feet lounged across an entire bench, he smiled at us as if he was enjoying our displeasure. Nearly half the car was rendered uninhabitable. The smell left me dry heaving at work until well after lunch. How do you let your life get to that point? The point where people will literally not come within 20 feet of you. I’m not even asking that you get a job, just stay off the F line.

The Crazy Bum
This variety of bum is usually at least mildly entertaining, even if it is just for being pathetic. Sometimes this craziness is a result of legitimate mental illness, but it’s more than likely from all the crack they spent the day smoking. Some talk to themselves, some scream profanities at families and some just stare silently at nothing. You never know what you’re going to get, but it’s the unpredictability that make them entertaining.

The Preacher Bum
Some preach the word of Jesus Christ, others proclaim doomsday theories. Either way, I can’t read my book or even listen to music. I do not care about anything you have to say and I have no intent in giving you money for saying it. Shut up.

The Talented Bum
This is the bum I am most likely to spare some change for. They are showing effort. Whether it’s drumming plastic buckets or playing a harmonica, they are at least trying to make a contribution to society. This can be said of few other bums categorized on this list. I appreciate your efforts fellas— just don’t touch me.

The Caveman Bum
This bum does not speak English, or any other understandable dialect. He speaks in grunts. One of the most notable of this class is the 14th Street Barbarian. Standing roughly 6′4” tall and 300lbs, he is adorned in tattered brown rags and has a thin layer of filth covering all exposed skin that accents his long, frizzy black hair. You can usually find him grunting, spitting or pointing his fingers like a gun at people throughout this station. It’s an incredibly unsettling experience.

The Shameless Bum
The name says it all. This is the bum that you see relieving himself on the stairs you are trying to walk up, picking butts out of ashtrays or eating a sandwich out of the garbage. All I can do is shake my head in silent disapproval.

The Disabled Bum
I’m not sure if these guys are bums because they are disabled or just average people trying to cash in on sympathy. They usually don’t have the defeated-at-life look most bums do. Although, I am sometimes impressed by their determination to panhandle. One time when I was on the train, a man in a wheelchair, legs gone at the knees, came through the door. He somehow managed to make it through the doors that connect the cars while the train was going full speed, an impressive feat. He began to wheel his way down the car, shaking his coffee can. As we approached a stop, the conductor hit the brakes particularly abruptly, sending the man flying across the car and into the door with force. I knew I shouldn’t laugh, but he had to have known that was coming. I can barely stand on the train unaided as it is. Wheels would be out of the question.

The Entitled Bum
This is the bum least worthy of my pocket change. At least all of the other bums had some type of charm, especially if they are asking for money. These guys will walk by you and shake a handful of change in your face—expecting money. No story, no entertainment, no effort at all. And if you don’t give to this worthy cause they look at you in disgust. Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was obligated to give money to you for shaking change in my face. The most infuriating part about these bums is that people actually give them money for this feeble attempt at panhandling. The last thing a bum needs is to be encouraged for a complete lack of effort (See: The ‘Given Up On Life’ Bum) . I know you love your crack and malt liquor, but you’re going to have to do better than that to earn my change.

The ‘Given Up On Life’ Bum
This bum is usually passed out on a busy sidewalk. When they aren’t sleeping, they lay around with a look of complete hopelessness— not even bothering to ask for money. No purpose. No meaning. So depressing.

Got another category or good bum story? Use the comments.

Bekyarov,

I appreciate you keeping me up to date on this and I look forward to seeing your work. Much respect to anyone who can make this disaster look presentable.

Thanks again,
Phil

For over a decade the Starbucks franchise has been spreading like a virus throughout the world, with new chains popping up daily. If you live in New York City, a Starbucks is no more than a block or two away, regardless of your location. In fact, my office is within 5 miles of 197 stores. (Yes, you read that correctly)

Aside from serving overpriced coffee, Starbucks now offers a wireless internet service through a partnership with T-Mobile. This service, which is used by many on-the-go New Yorkers, is offered for the not-so-nominal cost of $10 a day. Leave it to Starbucks to find an industry, severely overprice its product/service and still have people running back for more. I can’t understand stand it and I won’t support it. But, I would be more than happy to profit from it.

It is for these reasons that I would like to introduce you to FON. FON is offering a free router to anyone who lives within range of a Starbucks Wi-Fi signal. The idea is that you would use this router to share your broadband connection with Starbucks customers, or anyone in the area for that matter. While Starbucks is charging their customers $10 a day for their service, you can offer yours for a much more reasonable $2 a day. Of that $2, you collect $1 per user for your troubles. What an opportunity!

If $1 isn’t incentive enough, think of the feeling of satisfaction that comes with undercutting a faceless corporation! Although, that feeling will undoubtedly vanish when you spend your earnings on your morning latte. Damn this addiction!