Stay up-to-date on the NHL’s latest fights
This site not only provides video and commentary on each fight, but it also allows users to vote on the winner. Even cheap shots from scumbags like Chris Simon are documented here. An excellent resource for any hockey fan.
Future Weapons on the Discovery Channel
The only thing I enjoy more than host Richard “Mack” Machowicz’s callus disposition towards combat casualty are his constant reminders to viewers that the weapons featured on the show are used to more effectively fight the evil terrorists. If I get to watch a double reinforced cement building get blown into a million pieces by an “anti-structure” missile, then I’ll deal with the shameless pro-war propaganda. Check this show out Monday’s at 9pm on the Discovery Channel.
My roommate works for a respected interactive agency here in NYC that is currently in the market for a Senior Interface Engineer. While looking through resumes of potential candidates, he came across this atrocity of a website (turn your sound up), accompanied by the following grammatically hilarious cover letter:
Your Senior Interface Designer position is of great interest to me and I’am a treasure chest full of knowledge, waiting to be opened! By blending my extensive knowledge of computer programming, and business marketing skills added onto your vision and goals, new horizons are easily obtainable. Whether you plan to utilize E-commerce or interactive videos, your company will be able to set new objectives, increase its internet exposure, advertising response, market share, and widen its global distribution avenues in the future with my services. I can creatively update any site by utilizing my custom FLASH 3D animations, voiceovers, sound effects, special effects and remixed-music, to establish an interactive video site that will capture your customer’s imagination.
By shooting videos and blending my HTML skills together I can create a futuristic designing theme that creates “Thunder Clapping” MOMA! {Word of Mouth Advertising} My innovative designs will add a sparkling touch of class to any site plus my skills run parallel to the present demands of your vacant position. My background also includes a wide variety of direct mail business marketing knowledge, creative media ads, and business proposal writing skills. I’am self motivated, own all of my own computer equipment, reliable, honorable, catch on quick, able to follow instructions, and possess the operating knowledge to over 52 different computer programs.
My animation skills are expert, and I’am learning advanced coding for FLASH action script games. If you are looking for a professional with insight, foresight, vision, mega experience and common sense! As we enter the outer limits of the new millennium with interactive animations and videos. Then your nationwide search for an innovative FLASH web designer has just ended.
If this guy’s resume came across my desk I would have to give him an interview just so I could laugh hysterically in his face for hours on end. You are a complete disgrace to every talented designer who takes pride in their work and their profession. Could you possibly be delusional enough to think you are qualified for any senior level position, let alone as an interface engineer? You can’t even write a coherent sentence!
Between the website and the cover letter, I have many questions and comments:
The first sentence of your cover letter incorrectly identifies the position for which you are applying. Great start.
Did you really just refer to yourself as a “treasure chest full of knowledge” and your experience level as “mega”? God I hate you so much.
I assumed even high school dropouts knew the contraction for “I am”. Guess not.
The animated GIF’s that litter your website make me want to throw up in disgust while having an epileptic seizure. Any “designer” that thinks these things “add a sparkling touch of class to any site” needs to be shot in the back of the head at very close range.
Is this or this or this or this what you consider to be “expert” animation skills? These are hilariously bad.
Your cover letter sounds like you bought a book of internet buzz words and randomly strung them together into sentence fragments.
Microsoft WordArt 3D graphics are quite possibly the tackiest things in the world. I’m surprised the entire website wasn’t written in Comic Sans.
You say your “futuristic designing theme” creates “Thunder Clapping MOMA! {Word of Mouth Advertising}”. First of all, what the fuck does that even mean? Second, how the hell did you manage to misspell your own acronym???
Your voiceover skills are nothing short of hilarious. The echo effect gets bonus points.
Hit ctrl+A on his homepage and scroll down. You may think you are outsmarting Google by doing this, but this ill-advised attempt at Search Engine Optimization (S.E.O.) is actually killing your Google Page Rank. You would know this if you were, in fact, the web designer you claim to be.
Listen very closely. Not everyone who can throw together a webpage with some annoying music is a web designer. You suck. Application denied.
I was trying to catch a cab home from the West Village at around 4am on Friday night when I came across this strange situation. I saw a girl laying on her stomach on the corner of a busy intersection screaming what sounded like “Save Ireland.” As I stood and watched in awe for about 15 minutes, a large crowd started to gather— including the NYPD. The girl must have been on some type of speed. This was not normal drunken behavior— this was absolute insanity. At one point I decided this was too good to not be videotaping, so I started to record the scene with my phone (sorry for the bad quality).
A man, claiming to be a doctor, approached the girl to ask her what was wrong, but she continued to scream the same nonsense about “Ireland” in his ear. The NYPD asked him to leave stating “she’s not going to die.” As he attempted to comply, he lost his balance and tripped backwards— to which one officer responded by grabbing him by the collar and pulling him up. When asked why he was being threatened for trying to help, the officer arrested him immediately. The man was understandably confused, considering he was trying to help this girl as everyone else, including the police, stood around laughing at her. Arresting him, not the girl screaming face down on the pavement, was the obvious decision. Nice work boys.
As he was being put in the back of the police car he kept saying “to serve and protect!” I thought that was a nice touch. You have to love the NYPD’s double standards, though. Had that been a guy on the ground screaming, he would have been arrested for disorderly conduct before any crowd could have witnessed something as ridiculous as this.
Chytoria Graham of Erie, PA pleaded guilty today to aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a child after swinging her 4-week-old son like a baseball bat at her boyfriend during a fight. Graham admitted taking the infant by the feet and swinging him, fracturing the infants skull on impact. Her reason— depression.
My blood boils when I see scumbags like this get off with a slap on the wrist after claiming some bullshit medical condition. I’ll tell you what would be depressing to me— getting my skull crushed after being used as a weapon by my own mother. It’s disgusting to think that this woman could possibly get away with rotting in jail for only 5 years. Cases of this nature call for a more creative and suitable punishment. Forget prison— wrap her in barbed wire, then roll her down a rocky hill into a large vat of salt. That would be something to be depressed about.
Did I mention she has three other children and is currently pregnant with a fifth? Why is it that the most unfit parents are always the ones that continue to reproduce? Give these kids a chance in life and put them up for adoption. Honestly, what does she need another baby for? I have one theory: baby nunchucks.
Kelly and I were on the F train heading to midtown when we ran into this character. The video comes in about halfway through our conversation with him, but since his drunken ramblings made no sense anyways it doesn’t really matter.
I appreciate you keeping me up to date on this and I look forward to seeing your work. Much respect to anyone who can make this disaster look presentable.
In case you didn’t find the first line sexest enough, the second one was right there to set the feminist movement back a few decades. Who thought this was a good idea?
“No one disputes that an on-duty Irvine police officer got an erection and ejaculated on a motorist during an early-morning traffic stop in Laguna Beach. The female driver reported it, DNA testing confirmed it and officer David Alex Park finally admitted it.”
As long as nobody disputes this fact, the case against Officer Park should be open and shut, right? Evidently not. A jury of 11 men and 1 woman found the officer not guilty of three felony charges. The United States judicial system serves up a steaming dish of justice once again. God bless America.
But he admitted committing this disgusting and pathetic act. How could this be, you ask? The victim was a stripper (a.k.a. Defense Attorney’s dream). Let the character assassination begin.
“Park didn’t pick a housewife or a 17-year-old girl,” veteran sex crime prosecutor Kamiabipour said in her closing argument. “He picked a stripper. He picked the perfect victim.”
As horrible as that statement is, it’s hard to deny that it’s not true. We’ve seen enough cases just in the past year that support this grim reality. Apparently working at a place called the ‘Captain Cream Cabaret’ completely destroys your credibility. Go figure.
While this seems like a blatant misuse of technology, I can’t say I’m not impressed. This guy has seriously raised the bar in the world of bottle opening tricks.
