Every year, on the first weekend in May, about 50 college friends and I converge on Pond Eddy, NY for our annual Canoe Trip. This is a weekend where men can be men and your daily lives and responsibilities can be forgotten until Monday. The theme of the weekend: drunken recklessness. Mandatory items include multiple 30 packs of your favorite beer, plenty of meat for grilling, assorted fireworks and anything else you wouldn’t mind being broken, burned, waterlogged or otherwise destroyed. Clean clothes, hygienic products and sleeping arrangements are all considered optional. Girlfriends, wives and any means of contacting the outside world are strictly forbidden.
A great example of these unwritten rules being enforced with ‘Canoe Trip Justice’ occurred last year. One absent-minded attendee forgot the first rule of Canoe Trip and arrived sporting a metrosexual white turtleneck sweater. Last I checked we were in the middle of the woods, not a lounge in SoHo. So, he was given an ultimatum: burn the sweater or— well that was really the only choice he was given (real men don’t negotiate). He, of course, complied by tossing the insult to manliness into the roaring fire and cracking open a beer. Shirtless and drinking within minutes of arrival, this man was ready for Canoe Trip.
As the fabled weekend quickly approaches, my friends and I often share stories and fond memories from years past. The stories are so abundant that hours can pass as we each share our favorite hazy recollections. Due to the nature of the event, bringing expensive devices such as cameras to document the events is a rarity. Fortunately enough, one story will forever be documented thanks to the handy camerawork of one attendee.
Allow me to preface this story with some important background information. The firework-of-choice in recent years has been the ‘Whistling Charlie’. Unlike your usual firework display, ‘Charlie’ offers none of the typical explosions of color in the night sky. Rather, it emits a 90 second long, ear piercing whistling sound accompanied by clouds of billowing smoke. These have gained popularity due to their unarguable ability to wake up those unfortunate enough to have passed out around the campfire. As is the case at any get together, a premature pass-out is strongly frowned upon, carrying the consequence of humiliation, and possibly second-degree burns. Last year, Danimal was the unfortunate recipient of ‘Charlie’.
The following video is titled ‘Danimal Meets Whistling Charlie’:
Although the commotion awoke me from my own slumber in a nearby tent, the high-pitched sound is about as uncommon as birds chirping at Canoe Trip, so I thought nothing of it. Kelly (the person lighting ‘Charlie’) filled me in on the scenario the next morning. His paraphrased story goes like this:
In common fashion, Danimal passed out in the open, begging for the misfortune that followed. Kelly positioned the flaming wakeup call directly under Danimal’s chair, assuring a successful wakeup. As the smoke began to overwhelm Danimal’s drunken senses, he awoke and looked at Kelly like a deer caught in headlights. Still severely intoxicated, Danimal leapt from his smoky sanctuary and proceeded to immediately lose his balance and fall directly into the still-burning campfire. To this day I still curse that green chair for blocking the shot.
Amazingly enough, no Danimal’s were injured in the filming of this video.
As of today, when the 200 million users of Google Earth log onto the site, they will be able to view the horrific details of what’s happening in Darfur for themselves.
In an effort to bring more attention to the ongoing crisis in Darfur, the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum has teamed up with Google’s mapping service literally to map out the carnage in the Darfur region.
Experts estimate that 200,000 people have been killed and 2.5 million more have been displaced since the conflict flared in 2003, when rebels took up arms against the central Sudanese government.
The new initiative, called “Crisis in Darfur,” enables Google Earth users to visualize the details in the region, including the destruction of villages and the location of displaced persons in refugee camps.
Once again Google has impressed me with their ability to leverage technology in a positive and thought-provoking way. Having compiled one of the most extensive (and feared) databases of personal information on the planet, I am glad to see that Google is using it’s unprecedented information-gathering powers for good when most people perceive them simply as tools of evil.
To me, visualizing data is the only effective way to truly realize the significance and magnitude of a number. I found it interesting that this was a collaborative effort between Google and the National Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. because the most powerful example of data visualization that I have ever seen in my life was at that very museum.
Obviously the mass genocide of the Jews during World War II was an atrocity of epic proportions, but the amount of people who were killed is somewhat incomprehensible as a number alone. People do not differentiate between numbers once they reach a large enough size. The difference between a million and a billion is nothing more than a few extra zeros if it’s not put into the proper perspective— which is where the real power of data visualization lies. As you walk through the museum you eventually come to a room that is full nothing but shoes. Thousands of pairs, each representing a life lost. Once you consider how many people it would take to fill all of those shoes you start to put that huge number into perspective. It becomes human.
As shocking as that exhibit may be, it can only affect those who actually make the trip to the museum to experience it firsthand. The reason the Darfur initiative is particularly powerful is that the message has been seamlessly integrated with existing and well-known technology, allowing for a significantly higher penetration rate. People are so preoccupied with concerns about privacy and spying that we fail to realize how powerful all of the information we have can really be. Instead of trying to keep everything a secret we should be open to what this information revolution can teach us about ourselves.
Kevin Federline has 13 million more reasons to walk around with a shit-eating grin and a false sense of accomplishment. Britney and K-Fed finally settled on the terms of their divorce. Here are some of the details, according to MSNBC:
A 2004 pre-nup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Spears upped that figure to $500,000 to speed up the negotiations.
He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is on the market for $13.5 million.
$25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple’s two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
He’s forbidden from writing a tell-all about their marriage.
Having made one of the most epic falls from glory in pop history after marrying Kevin, Britney told Federline “You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but thank you for my babies.” Kevin retorted with “Popozão! That’s that fire, yo!”
At this point it’s a toss-up as to who the children would be less safe with, but with Kevin getting 4 days of quality time with the boys each week they will surely learn how to back-up dance their way to the top like their old dad. While it’s easy to despise Federline for the way he dresses, his music, or just his general disposition— you can’t say you’re not a little jealous. I mean, he’s living the American guy’s dream. He got the pop star, the mansion, the Ferrari’s, a rap album (and apparently a record label) with none of the typically prerequisite talent. Now he’s walking away with a enough money to buy Newports from himself AND his boys for the rest of their lives! But not until they’re 18. What kind of parent do you take him for— Britney Spears?
Could it be possible that the guy we’ve always considered to be talentless white trash is actually a genius incognito? Haha, hell no. Dad’s— hide your daughters.
There’s nothing like waking up to blue skies and bright sunshine— especially when you don’t have to go to work. It’s about time we got some decent weather on the weekend. During the workweek, days like today usually tease me as stare helplessly out the window from my desk. Once Friday afternoon arrives, the bright skies are replaced with rain or sleet to put a damper on my weekend plans. I had to take this opportunity to enjoy the weather, explore the neighborhood and take a few pictures.
A view of Court St. from the front of my building.
A view from my building’s courtyard onto 9th St.
The giant black, spotted eyesore— otherwise known as Smith & 9th Street station.
And to think, this next picture was taken only a week earlier…
Stay up-to-date on the NHL’s latest fights
This site not only provides video and commentary on each fight, but it also allows users to vote on the winner. Even cheap shots from scumbags like Chris Simon are documented here. An excellent resource for any hockey fan.
Future Weapons on the Discovery Channel
The only thing I enjoy more than host Richard “Mack” Machowicz’s callus disposition towards combat casualty are his constant reminders to viewers that the weapons featured on the show are used to more effectively fight the evil terrorists. If I get to watch a double reinforced cement building get blown into a million pieces by an “anti-structure” missile, then I’ll deal with the shameless pro-war propaganda. Check this show out Monday’s at 9pm on the Discovery Channel.
If you grew up with the last name “Tootoo”, chances are you know how to throw a punch. Dallas Stars defenseman Stephane Robidas learned that the hard way after an unsuccessful attempt to defend Stars pretty boy, Mike Modano. Not only did he cleanly level one of the leagues premier forwards, but he had the instinct to know that reinforcement was not far behind. Without hesitation, he stood up and blindly delivered a ‘one hitter quitter’ to Robidas’ chin— not even bothering (or needing) to drop his gloves. Well done.
Mark that one in my book as ‘Five Minutes for Being a Total Badass’.
The Guinness Book of World Records was originally established to settle the drunken arguments that were previously settled with good old fashion brawls in British and Irish bars. In 1991, alcohol related entries were banned from the book due to fear of litigation. Luckily, the 1979 edition printed these records, which have been reproduced below. Updated records and their sources are included when available.
Strongest Beer
Bavarian brewer Harald Schneider, from southern Germany, brewed a beer that was 25.4% alcohol (2005). Source
Weakest Beer
The weakest liquid ever marketed as a beer was a sweet ersatz beer from Germany be Sunner, Colne-Kalk in 1918. It had less than 0.2 percent alcohol.
Speed Beer Drinking
Steven Petrosino of New Cumberland, Pennsylvania on June 22nd, 1977, drank 1 liter of beer in 1.3 seconds. Peter G. Dowdeswell of Earls Barton drank two liters in 6.0 seconds on February 7th, 1975.
Fastest Beer Drinking Relay
Czech patriots drank 2,662 half-litres of beer in less than 17 hours. Drinking at a rate of over 156 beers per hour, or 2.6 mugs per minute, the Czechs can now claim to be the fastest “relay” drinkers in the world (2004). Source
Highest Documented Blood Alcohol Level
An unidentified middle-aged Latvian man was unconscious but stable after a blood test showed 7.22 parts per million (0.7%) of alcohol, police spokeswoman Ieva Zvidre said. “An average person would vomit at around 1.2, lose consciousness at 3.0 and stop breathing at a level of about 4.0 parts per million” Zvidre said (2003). Source
Most Alcoholic Person (actual name of record)
It is recorded that a hard drinker named Vanhorn (1850 – 1911) averaged more than four bottles of Ruby Port per day for 23 years prior to his death at 61. He is believed to have emptied 35,688 bottles.
Beer Consumption
The nation with the highest beer consumption per person is West Germany, with 39.8 U.S. gallons per person in 1976. In the northern territory of Australia, the annual intake has been estimated to be as high as 62.4 U.S. gallons per person.
Youngest Recorded Death from Alcohol Poisoning
A 4 year old boy, Joesph Sweet, in Wolverhampton, England, in died 1827 from alcohol poisoning, reported in the Stafford Assizes case R. v. Martin.
Most Alcoholic Drink
During Independence (1918 – 1940) the Estonian Liquor Monopoly marketed 196 proof potato alcohol. In the United States, Everclear (190 proof) is marketed by the American Distilling Company.
Copy and paste the following search query into Google, replacing “BAND NAME” with, you guessed it, a band name. The search will return open indexes that contain downloadable music files matching your search criteria. Try it out for yourself.
Every year, on the first weekend in May, about 50 college friends and I converge on Pond Eddy, NY for our annual Canoe Trip. This is a weekend where men can be men and your daily lives and responsibilities can be forgotten until Monday. The theme of the weekend: drunken recklessness. Mandatory items include multiple 30 packs of your favorite beer, plenty of meat for grilling, assorted fireworks and anything else you wouldn’t mind being broken, burned, waterlogged or otherwise destroyed. Clean clothes, hygienic products and sleeping arrangements are all considered optional. Girlfriends, wives and any means of contacting the outside world are strictly forbidden.
