Edit > Options > Kill Yourself.
My roommate works for a respected interactive agency here in NYC that is currently in the market for a Senior Interface Engineer. While looking through resumes of potential candidates, he came across this atrocity of a website (turn your sound up), accompanied by the following grammatically hilarious cover letter:
Your Senior Interface Designer position is of great interest to me and I’am a treasure chest full of knowledge, waiting to be opened! By blending my extensive knowledge of computer programming, and business marketing skills added onto your vision and goals, new horizons are easily obtainable. Whether you plan to utilize E-commerce or interactive videos, your company will be able to set new objectives, increase its internet exposure, advertising response, market share, and widen its global distribution avenues in the future with my services. I can creatively update any site by utilizing my custom FLASH 3D animations, voiceovers, sound effects, special effects and remixed-music, to establish an interactive video site that will capture your customer’s imagination.
By shooting videos and blending my HTML skills together I can create a futuristic designing theme that creates “Thunder Clapping” MOMA! {Word of Mouth Advertising} My innovative designs will add a sparkling touch of class to any site plus my skills run parallel to the present demands of your vacant position. My background also includes a wide variety of direct mail business marketing knowledge, creative media ads, and business proposal writing skills. I’am self motivated, own all of my own computer equipment, reliable, honorable, catch on quick, able to follow instructions, and possess the operating knowledge to over 52 different computer programs.
My animation skills are expert, and I’am learning advanced coding for FLASH action script games. If you are looking for a professional with insight, foresight, vision, mega experience and common sense! As we enter the outer limits of the new millennium with interactive animations and videos. Then your nationwide search for an innovative FLASH web designer has just ended.
If this guy’s resume came across my desk I would have to give him an interview just so I could laugh hysterically in his face for hours on end. You are a complete disgrace to every talented designer who takes pride in their work and their profession. Could you possibly be delusional enough to think you are qualified for any senior level position, let alone as an interface engineer? You can’t even write a coherent sentence!
Between the website and the cover letter, I have many questions and comments:
Listen very closely. Not everyone who can throw together a webpage with some annoying music is a web designer. You suck. Application denied.
Posted in Rants, Design, Seriously? |
March 21st, 2007 at 8:23 am
So scary! Self-delusion is not an uncommon phenomenon though.
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Point #1
You spend more time insulting people on this website than you do writing about things people actually want to read about. Your odious personality in combination with allegedly stating your opinions as “facts”, shows your ignorance and insecurity in your own knowledge.
Point #2
Your a designer/programmer huh? Newsflash. Its a saturated and unimpressive market. I would recommend before you start acting like you’re better than everyone else, do a double check on yourself and make sure you actually are.
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Rebuttal #1
It’s a fact that I don’t care about someone criticizing me behind a name like unknown. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. And uh— you’re stupid.
Rebuttal #2
Since you’ve obviously read my About Me page you should know that I by no means consider myself the best web designer. Not even close. Do I think I’m better than this guy? Of course. That’s why it was passed around as a joke at several agencies. People trying to pass this caliber work off as professional are the ones causing the industry saturation that you speak of. And saying our market is unimpressive shows you haven’t seen truly professional work. You made one valid point— out of context. Otherwise, I think you proved exactly why I needed to use this guy as an example to set the record straight. Come on, he used the phrase “Thunder-Clapping” in a cover letter!
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Rebuttal to Rebuttal #1
I think you care alot about being criticized. The proof lies in the comments you make about the guy with “the bad resume” in addition to insulting ME. What conclusion could you possibly draw from my earlier comment that would show ignorance? Nothing. You just feel threatened, so you insult again.
Rebuttal to Rebuttal #2
Your comment how the resume was passed to several agencies as a joke also makes me question the levels of professionalism in your office. Not to mention, any agency you associate yourself with.
(Which I’ll be sure to make a note of..)
Grow up son. The world is tough out there and there’s no room for little boys with bad attitudes.
Edit>Options>kill YOURSELF.
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Did you forget your Midol today? Seriously, learn how to take a joke. You really must be bored to read a site you claim to not like then spend all night arguing in the comments. Stop wasting my time with your weak points and contradictions.
April 4th, 2007 at 6:36 am
Don’t post a site with content such as yours and expect not to get reactions.
Midol huh? Ha. Thats cute and clever. Not only are you professionally immature, but socially as well. Good luck acting like that in NYC. Girls won’t put up with guys such as yourself. (well, the respectable ones at least)
I’m also living in NYC an in the Design Industry , (Well, you’re not really a designer. At my company, we like to call you folks “Web Builders”. But not designers.) and you can guarantee I’ll remember your name if YOUR resume ever comes across my desk.. Which, trust me. It will.
If I can give you a peice of advice its this:
Be careful who you piss off in NYC. You never know WHO they are, or how they can help/hurt your career in the future.
April 4th, 2007 at 9:06 am
Anyone who defends this work obviously doesn’t work in the design industry. This is the stuff real designers want eliminated. You talk a pretty big talk, but can you back it up with a URL to your work or AT LEAST a name???
You say you’re from NYC. Why does your IP address trace back to Rochester, NY? Do you not realize that by criticizing my site you are doing exactly the same thing that you accuse me of being immature for doing? If you’re going to make such bold statements at least prove to me that you’re credible.
April 4th, 2007 at 10:38 am
“unknown”, your level of ignorance and contradiction on this subject is beyond words, but lord knows I’m going to try.
Where to start?
Quote: [Your a designer/programmer huh? Newsflash. Its a saturated and unimpressive market. I would recommend before you start acting like you’re better than everyone else, do a double check on yourself and make sure you actually are.]
Ok, in general, acting like you are better then someone is pretty pretentious thing to do. However, you come back with this:
Quote: [I’m also living in NYC an in the Design Industry , (Well, you’re not really a designer. At my company, we like to call you folks “Web Builders”. But not designers.) and you can guarantee I’ll remember your name if YOUR resume ever comes across my desk.. Which, trust me. It will.]
THIS!?! After questioning the professionalism of his company you basically just said YOU and your company look down upon the men and women in the web industry and trivialize the work they do?. “Web Builders”? Seriously? WOW, thats pretty…professional of you. “I’ll remember your name if YOUR resume ever comes across my desk.. Which, trust me. It will”. Yeah you are totally right, us Web people will be knocking down your doors to work for a company that looks down on us and our profession. Can I get your email so I can submit my resume ASAP?!?! PS: that’s sarcasm, thought I should mention that seeing its pretty obvious that you aren’t very adept at picking that up.
Having read the resume in question, albeit rife with grammatical errors and over the top claims of skills obviously not possessed by the writer, I can safely tell you his resume is a complete slap in the face of the men and women who dedicate their hard work and passion to this profession. The fact that you call him immature and insecure for insulting someone and then come back with childish, uninformed euphemistic threats of hurting his career is absurd. Edit>Options>Sterilize yourself so you can’t bring more idiotic people into this world. Its saturated and unimpressive enough as is.
April 4th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
**UPDATE**
I’ve finally got to the bottom of the mysterious identity of “unknown” after some investigative work. Turns out she is the roommate of an ex-girlfriend trying to extract revenge on me with empty threats and general stupidity. When I asked my ex about her identity so I could question her further about her comments she responded with this:
“LOOK…SHES A FUCKING MORON. DONT LISTEN TO HER.”
That’s all I needed to know. Glad we got this one figured out.
April 16th, 2007 at 7:17 am
That was generally entertaining! Thanks.